Good evening! This is my first attempt at blogging. I’m not sure anyone will actually want to read what I write, but I wanted a place to put the detritus in my head — somewhere other than my trusty Facebook page.
I have been an Ohioan for 3 1/2 years now. I’m slowly getting used to it, though I doubt that I will ever get over leaving the east coast. I miss NYC terribly, but I know that coming to Ohio was the best move for my family. My career is slowly making its way off the ground. I’m teaching a lot and playing more and more the longer I’m here and the more folks I get to meet. I will say this: folks in the music business here are really friendly and welcoming, which is not the experience I always had in New York. The business in NYC is so tight and competitive. Here, there is less to do and fewer opportunities for work, but folks are still always happy to see a new face.
Last night, I got to play a concert with Akron Symphony. I had a lovely stand partner and the conductor was pretty good too. It was a lovely experience (except for the late night drives back home to Oberlin from Akron!). I hope that things will continue to pick up and that I can make more of a career/life for myself here.
At the beginning of our concert, we played Barber’s Adagio (commonly known as Adagio for Strings). That piece never fails to move me. There is a tremendous sense of longing, loneliness, pain, tenderness… I understand it far better at (nearly) 44 than I did when I first heard it as a teenager. Several of the pieces I’ve loved all my life hold an even more special meaning for me now that I’m older — and hopefully wiser! Music has always been my outlet, my other language. Music expressed for me the things I could not say and the pain I couldn’t share. Music was my refuge and my strength. It is still, but the stakes are somewhat higher now.
Today, in the car, I heard the last movement of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. The words moved me to tears right then and there, even though I’ve played the piece hundreds of times! My German is non-existent, but I know that Schiller wrote some of the most wonderful imagery of brotherhood and divine love — “this kiss is for all the world”. Maybe it’s hormones, or lack of sleep this week (“it must be the heat, or some rare disease — la la la — or too much to eat, or maybe it’s fleas!”), but I find that I am susceptible to crying at the beauty of everything around me, from birds in flight overhead, to the sight of my children’s beautiful faces. I’m learning to be thankful for everything around me and to enjoy each moment. I thank God that I learned to do that now, rather than at the end of my life when it is nearly too late.
There’s hope for this sentimental old cynic yet, I think. I hope so anyway…
That’s enough for a first entry, I think. I hope to write more every day, but I make no promises. There’s so much to write about: food, music, marriage, motherhood, running, aging, friendship, addiction, fear, loss… The list is so long! With all that to choose from, I hope I can write things that are interesting, entertaining, funny, tragic, and generally good to read. I hope I can make someone smile, or help someone in need. I just want to write. I’ve always just wanted to write.
Let the games begin!